vm-monitor: Switch from memory.high to polling memory.stat (#5524)

tl;dr it's really hard to avoid throttling from memory.high, and it
counts tmpfs & page cache usage, so it's also hard to make sense of.

In the interest of fixing things quickly with something that should be
*good enough*, this PR switches to instead periodically fetch memory
statistics from the cgroup's memory.stat and use that data to determine
if and when we should upscale.

This PR fixes #5444, which has a lot more detail on the difficulties
we've hit with memory.high. This PR also supersedes #5488.

libs/vm_monitor/README.md

@@ -27,8 +27,8 @@ and old one if it exists.
 * the filecache: a struct that allows communication with the Postgres file cache.
 On startup, we connect to the filecache and hold on to the connection for the
 entire monitor lifetime.
-* the cgroup watcher: the `CgroupWatcher` manages the `neon-postgres` cgroup by
-listening for `memory.high` events and setting its `memory.{high,max}` values.
+* the cgroup watcher: the `CgroupWatcher` polls the `neon-postgres` cgroup's memory
+usage and sends rolling aggregates to the runner.
 * the runner: the runner marries the filecache and cgroup watcher together,
 communicating with the agent throught the `Dispatcher`, and then calling filecache
 and cgroup watcher functions as needed to upscale and downscale