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title: 'Our Emotional Systems and How to Cultivate Them: Investment, Empathy, | ||
Compassion, and Self-Love' | ||
date: '2023-04-29' | ||
description: | ||
'Discover the power of emotional investment, empathy, compassion, and self-love in this insightful blog post. Learn how to cultivate these qualities and enhance your relationships with others and yourself. Gain a deeper understanding of emotional intelligence and take steps towards a more fulfilling life.' | ||
--- | ||
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## Emotional investment | ||
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Allowing yourself to be emotionally invested is essential in enhancing our | ||
lives, and it is a building block for compassion, love, and meaning. If you’re | ||
not emotionally invested in a movie, book, or TV show, you won’t get much out of | ||
it—the entertainment is diluted, and you are robbed of potential new | ||
understanding. In order to be emotionally invested, we need to be (You guessed!) | ||
open with our emotions. Unfortunately, this is where the difficulty lies, as | ||
what we learn in our society is not how to work with our emotions but how to | ||
block and avoid them, i.e., screen time, drugs, and alcohol abuse (Hendel, | ||
2018). Furthermore, we are afflicted by things that can harm our ability to | ||
regulate and process emotions, such as internet and video game addiction. | ||
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How do we define investment? Typically, we think of investment in monetary | ||
terms: you invest money to make money, or you invest in education. The goal is | ||
to have the asset appreciate, and it can either do that or not. | ||
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A similarity between typical and emotional investments is that we can quit them. | ||
Like an investor backing out to minimize losses, one may stop reading a novel | ||
because it became too creepy. However, increasing emotional investment is not | ||
something we can control. We rarely even consider it: emotional investment | ||
typically arises when we question whether we enjoy something, like a TV show or | ||
novel. For example, we might tell a friend that we don’t mind if they watch a TV | ||
show episode without us because we were not [emotionally] invested. | ||
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One of the best things that can happen by being emotionally invested in | ||
something is a greater understanding of life or people. Keeping in mind that the | ||
process of emotional investing is open-ended, it might look like this: You first | ||
pick up a novel because it was highly rated and you like some of the topics it | ||
covers. Then, as you watch the characters develop, you start to draw parallels | ||
with some people or patterns of thought you’ve encountered: thus allowing you to | ||
understand and empathize with others better. | ||
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This phenomenon happened when I read Bonnie Garmus’s novel, _Lessons in | ||
Chemistry_, where the main character views everything in life, including | ||
motherhood and prejudice, through a scientific lens. A characteristic of these | ||
highly logical people that stuck with me was the tendency to plan: | ||
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> ‘Life is a mystery, isn’t it? People who try to plan it inevitably end up | ||
> disappointed.’ She nodded. She was a planner. She was disappointed (Garmus, | ||
> 2022, p. 209) | ||
Those with scientific minds love to prepare for the worst and plan things weeks | ||
in advance, but life often throws curveballs. When our careful and detailed | ||
plans get messed up, it’s not unnatural for planners to be frustrated or | ||
disappointed. By understanding this tendency, one can develop empathy toward | ||
these patterns. | ||
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Emotional investment only sometimes gives us a greater understanding of life or | ||
people, which is okay. Most entertainment exists purely to create joy. | ||
Nevertheless, like how relief cannot exist without pain, joy needs a contrast. | ||
Whether the pleasure in something comes from winning on a bet, overcoming | ||
misfortune, or solving challenging problems, these scenarios only affect you to | ||
the degree of your emotional investment. | ||
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Unfortunately, avoiding and blocking our emotions is becoming widespread due to | ||
our environment and the modern addiction to distraction. In addition, internet | ||
and video game addictions decrease the ability to regulate and process emotions | ||
(Cheng & Liu, 2020; Ko et al., 2015), adding to the vicious cycle of distracting | ||
yourself from listening to your internals. | ||
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However, the worst case is when media feeds off your emotions, resulting in a | ||
cycle of anxiety. A classic example of this is social media. In 2016, Woods & | ||
Scott used the Social Media Use Integration Scale (Jenkins-Guarnieri, Wright, & | ||
Johnson, 2013) to assess emotional investment in social media. The scale has | ||
items you agree/disagree on, like “I get upset when I can't log on to social | ||
media.” Over 467 pupils at a secondary school in the United Kingdom, | ||
Taylor-Jackson & Moustafa (2020) summarize Woods & Scott’s results: | ||
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> They found significant positive correlations between higher anxiety levels, | ||
> greater social media use, and emotional investment in social media. Similarly, | ||
> higher depression levels were associated with increased social media use and | ||
> emotional investment in social media. The relationship between self-esteem and | ||
> social media use was found to be negative, whereby lower self-esteem scores | ||
> were associated with higher levels of social media use and emotional | ||
> investment in social media (Woods & Scott, 2016, as cited in Taylor-Jackson & | ||
> Moustafa, 2020) | ||
Social media can have benefits like connecting with friends and providing | ||
entertainment, but becoming emotionally invested in it has adverse effects—there | ||
is always the pressure to fit in and present yourself as a perfect being, not to | ||
mention FoMo. Some media outlets also use your emotional investment against you, | ||
which is true in fear-mongering and McCarthyism. | ||
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On the other hand, the best thing to do with emotional investment is to direct | ||
it toward people. Empathy cannot be without sacrificing some emotions to imagine | ||
what others are going through. You can act upon these feelings and foster | ||
compassion with sufficient emotional investment. Before going further, let’s | ||
define the two: | ||
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## Empathy | ||
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Empathy is the ability to understand and respond to the unique affective | ||
experiences of another person (Decety & Jackson, 2006). If we consider empathy | ||
at the level of experience, it is essentially a psychological construct that | ||
denotes a sense of similarity between one’s own feelings and those expressed by | ||
another person (Seiler & Craig, 2016). We can also view empathy as an | ||
interaction between two individuals who share each other’s experiences and | ||
feelings. However, this exchange of feelings does not necessarily mean that one | ||
will act or even feel compelled to act in support or sympathize. | ||
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Decety and Jackson (2006) presented empathy as an inductive process resulting | ||
from the interaction of two elements: mirror neurons activation, allowing an | ||
internal representation of the other person’s affect as a feeling or felt-sense | ||
and cognitive processes, allowing perspective-taking, self-consciousness, and | ||
emotional regulation (Bibeau et al., 2016). | ||
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The key here is that empathy so defined does not necessarily imply a desire to | ||
help, nor does it automatically lead to action (Bibeau et al., 2016). | ||
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## Compassion | ||
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The online Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines compassion as “a sympathetic | ||
consciousness of other's distress together with a desire to alleviate it” | ||
(Bibeau et al., 2016). Siegel and Germer (2012) proposed a shorthand | ||
operational definition of compassion as “the experience of suffering with the | ||
wish to alleviate it” (p.12, as cited in Bibeau et al., 2016). Note the emphasis | ||
on another one’s distress; empathy pertains to any emotion. | ||
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## The Modern Decline in Empathy | ||
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Empathy has never been more important due to our modern environment. Today, we | ||
are spending an increasing proportion of our time with computers. As machines | ||
are incapable of emotion, we may view them as nothing more than a tool, thus | ||
giving rise to uncompassionate treatment. With increased computer usage, we may | ||
treat humans the same: less compassionate and devoid of empathy. | ||
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Furthermore, computers are not capable of empathy. Even with the recent | ||
developments in AI chatbots, this still holds; ChatGPT agrees: | ||
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> N: Are computers or AI capable of empathetic thinking? | ||
> ChatGPT: As an AI language model, I can provide information on this topic. | ||
> While computers and AI can simulate empathy to a certain extent, they do not | ||
> have true empathetic thinking like humans. | ||
> ChatGPT: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of | ||
> others. While AI can process vast amounts of data and recognize patterns in | ||
> human emotions, it lacks the emotional intelligence and subjective experience | ||
> necessary for true empathetic thinking. | ||
> ChatGPT: However, researchers are exploring ways to create AI systems that can | ||
> better recognize and respond to human emotions, such as facial recognition | ||
> software, speech recognition, and natural language processing. These efforts | ||
> may improve the ability of AI to simulate empathy, but they are unlikely to | ||
> replicate the full range of human emotions and experiences that underlie true | ||
> empathetic thinking. | ||
In addition, the communication systems we use inhibit empathy. For example, text | ||
messages and phone calls do not let us pick up facial expressions, body | ||
language, tone, or clues about what we want to discuss and how we feel. Video | ||
calls under perfect circumstances could replicate an in-person interaction and | ||
produce empathy, but it is unlikely. This is not to say that these forms of | ||
communication cause more harm than good—they allow for ease of communication—but | ||
rather, it is vital to practice empathy given our environment. | ||
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Lastly, another inhibiting factor towards the development of empathy is its | ||
evolutionary aspect. We tend to have the most empathy for others who look or act | ||
like us, others who have suffered similarly, or those who share a common goal. | ||
The truth is that empathy is not always an equal opportunity benefactor (Kale et | ||
al., 2011, as cited in Reiss, 2017). Therefore, we must avoid this bias. | ||
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## Implications | ||
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Some undesirable outcomes of this decline in empathy are as follows: | ||
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> Human manifestations of these problems are “the social retardation of | ||
> computer-dependent youth” (Fomichov & Fomichova, 2014) and online harassment | ||
> or cyber-bullying (Heirman & Walrave, 2008; Hinduja & Patchin, 2010; Slonje & | ||
> Smith, 2008; Smith et al., 2008). These have become significant problems | ||
> facing modern society. | ||
> Other examples of technology seeming to reduce empathy are nurses becoming | ||
> less empathetic when using increasing amounts of technology in intensive care | ||
> units (Brunt, 1985), technology reducing the level of service in customer care | ||
> environments (Gorry & Westbrook, 2011), and students becoming dehumanized when | ||
> teachers rely excessively on computers (Nissenbaum & Walker, 1998). (Seiler & | ||
> Craig, 2016) | ||
Empathy is especially crucial in healthcare, and those in that field must be | ||
wary of how our environment and biases can decrease compassion. Uncompassionate | ||
care and treatment are devoid of empathy resulting in dissatisfied patients who | ||
are much less likely to follow treatment recommendations, resulting in poorer | ||
health outcomes and damaged trust in health providers (Reiss, 2017). | ||
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In the case of students being dehumanized when teachers rely excessively on | ||
computers, students may lose interest and meaning in that class. In addition, I | ||
have found that the best notes come from teachers who use the chalkboard, not | ||
digital slides: it’s the most similar to pencil and paper (which also your mind | ||
retains better). | ||
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## Cultivating Empathy and Compassion | ||
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Before recommending solutions, we must examine “How do we cultivate empathy and | ||
compassion” in more detail. | ||
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A question to consider is Plato’s age-old question, “Can virtue be taught? | ||
Empathy and compassion need experience and practice; you cannot study to become | ||
empathetic. There are some methods to practice it, however. For example, instead | ||
of focusing from the ground up, we can take the opposite approach and foster | ||
love and kindness. | ||
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There is a type of meditation, loving-kindness, and compassion, which has been | ||
scientifically proven to increase empathy and compassion (Bibeau et al., 2016). | ||
In this type of meditation, one imagines one person at a time: someone you | ||
respect (teacher), a friend, a neutral, yourself, someone you have negative | ||
feelings towards, and you direct phrases like | ||
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- May you be happy | ||
- May you be free | ||
- May you be at peace | ||
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and mustering up as much compassion and love as possible. For more on this, see | ||
[How To Love Yourself | Meditation](https://youtu.be/FQ1d5rC062c) (Kanoija, | ||
2022). Besides enabling you to love yourself and others, a nice side effect of | ||
practicing self-compassion is that it also fosters the intrinsic motivation to | ||
learn and grow, promotes health-related behaviors, and is beneficial for | ||
interpersonal relationships (Neff, 2012; Neff & Pommier, 2012; as cited in | ||
Bibeau et al., 2016). | ||
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Directing compassion toward yourself may be difficult (Bibeau et al., 2016; | ||
Kanoija, 2022); Akana (2023) summarizes why: | ||
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> Cultivating self-love feels so abstract. It’s tough to know where to start and | ||
> what to do. Especially if you’re someone who was told at a young age that your | ||
> lovability is tied up in external factors like achievement, your body’s | ||
> aesthetic, or your lack of boundaries (Akana, 2023) | ||
Akana suggests a couple more methods for self-love; one is practicing your love | ||
language on yourself (even for physical touch!). Another is working on the inner | ||
voice, which Akana (2023) puts so succinctly: “When you’re in an anxiety spiral, | ||
you self-soothe. When you’re hurt and angry, you validate yourself. Become your | ||
own best friend” (Akana, 2023) | ||
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Unfortunately, this suffers the same fate as much of self-help. Action is | ||
arduous and time-consuming—Akana herself said this process took around five | ||
years (Akana, 2023). Nonetheless, empathy, compassion, and love are worth it. I | ||
would like to finish with a quote from the Dalai Lama: “Love and compassion are | ||
necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” | ||
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## References | ||
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Akana, A. (2023, April 13). How to actually cultivate self-love [Video]. | ||
YouTube. https://youtu.be/D9L24a2wfEU | ||
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Cheng, H., & Liu, J. (2020). Alterations in Amygdala Connectivity in Internet | ||
Addiction Disorder. Scientific reports, 10(1), 2370. | ||
https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-020-59195-w | ||
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Decety, J., & Jackson, P. L. (2006). A Social-Neuroscience Perspective on | ||
Empathy. _Current Directions in Psychological Science_, 15(2), 54–58. | ||
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0963-7214.2006.00406.x | ||
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Hendel, H. J. (2018). Ignoring Your Emotions Is Bad for Your Health. Here's What | ||
to Do About It. Time. | ||
https://time.com/5163576/ignoring-your-emotions-bad-for-your-health/ | ||
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Kale, E., Finset, A., Eikeland, H. L., & Gulbrandsen, P. (2011). Emotional cues | ||
and concerns in hospital encounters with non-Western immigrants as compared with | ||
Norwegians: an exploratory study. _Patient education and counseling_, 84(3), | ||
325–331. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pec.2011.05.009 | ||
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Kanoija, A. (2022, March 30). How To Love Yourself | Meditation [Video]. | ||
YouTube. https://youtu.be/FQ1d5rC062c | ||
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Ko, C. H., Hsieh, T. J., Wang, P. W., Lin, W. C., Yen, C. F., Chen, C. S., & | ||
Yen, J. Y. (2015). Altered gray matter density and disrupted functional | ||
connectivity of the amygdala in adults with Internet gaming disorder. Progress | ||
in neuro-psychopharmacology & biological psychiatry, 57, 185–192. | ||
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pnpbp.2014.11.003 | ||
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Riess H. (2017). The Science of Empathy. _Journal of patient experience_, 4(2), | ||
74–77. https://doi.org/10.1177/2374373517699267 | ||
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Seiler, R. N., & Craig, P. (2016). Empathetic Technology. In Tettegah, S., & | ||
Noble, S. U. (Eds.), _Emotions, Technology, and Design_ (pp. 55-77). Academic | ||
Press. https://doi.org/10.1016/C2014-0-00787-3 | ||
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Taylor-Jackson, J., & Moustafa, A. A. (2020). The relationships between social | ||
media use and factors relating to depression. In Moustafa, A. A. (Ed.), _The | ||
Nature of Depression_ (pp. 171–182). Academic Press. | ||
https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-12-817676-4.00010-9 | ||
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Woods, H., & Scott H. (2016). #Sleepyteens: Social Media Use in adolescence is | ||
associated with poor sleep quality, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. | ||
_Journal of Adolescence_. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2016.05.008 |