diff --git a/lib/birthday.js b/lib/birthday.js
index 097ffd92542fe..6c71a9e715668 100644
--- a/lib/birthday.js
+++ b/lib/birthday.js
@@ -1,21 +1,11 @@
-/* eslint-disable max-len */
-// happy birthday! 🎂
-
-module.exports = (_, c) => {
-  const B = global[Buffer.from([66, 117, 102, 102, 101, 114])]
-  const f = B.from([102, 114, 111, 109])
-  const D = global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])]
-  const s = 8
-  const t = 29
-  const n = new D()
-  const _6 = B[f]([98, 97, 115, 101, 54, 52]) + ''
-  const l = B[f]('dG9TdHJpbmc=', _6)
-  const v = s => B[f](s, _6)[l](); const y = v('Z2V0RnVsbFllYXI=')
-  const a = v('Z2V0VVRDRGF0ZQ=='); const m = v('Z2V0VVRDTW9udGg='); const p = v('UGxlYXNlIHRyeSBhZ2FpbiBpbiA=')
-  const z = require(v('emxpYg==')); const i = z[v('aW5mbGF0ZVN5bmM=')]
-  let x_ = n[y]()
-  const x = new D(`${x_++}-0${s + 1}-${t}`) - n
-  const xx = x < 0 ? new D(`${x_}-0${s + 1}-${t}`) - n : x
-
-  c(...(`${n[a]()}${n[m]()}` !== `${t}${s}` ? [`${p}${xx}ms`] : [null, console.log(i(B[f](B[f](JSON.parse(i(B[f]('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', _6))[l]()))[l](), _6))[l]())]))
+const npm = require('./npm.js')
+module.exports = (_, cb) => {
+  Object.defineProperty(npm, 'flatOptions', {
+    value: {
+      ...npm.flatOptions,
+      package: ['@npmcli/npm-birthday'],
+      yes: true,
+    },
+  })
+  return npm.commands.exec(['npm-birthday'], cb)
 }
diff --git a/lib/utils/cmd-list.js b/lib/utils/cmd-list.js
index 336e4dd547255..c865cdabb4014 100644
--- a/lib/utils/cmd-list.js
+++ b/lib/utils/cmd-list.js
@@ -147,6 +147,7 @@ const shellouts = [
   'start',
   'stop',
   'restart',
+  'birthday',
 ]
 
 module.exports = {
diff --git a/tap-snapshots/test-lib-utils-cmd-list.js-TAP.test.js b/tap-snapshots/test-lib-utils-cmd-list.js-TAP.test.js
index 55ed4e66465ee..832f8560125a3 100644
--- a/tap-snapshots/test-lib-utils-cmd-list.js-TAP.test.js
+++ b/tap-snapshots/test-lib-utils-cmd-list.js-TAP.test.js
@@ -180,6 +180,7 @@ Object {
     "start",
     "stop",
     "restart",
+    "birthday",
   ],
   "shorthands": Object {
     "c": "config",
diff --git a/test/lib/birthday.js b/test/lib/birthday.js
index e7cd470220298..3b8110fc8f3bc 100644
--- a/test/lib/birthday.js
+++ b/test/lib/birthday.js
@@ -1,116 +1,26 @@
-const { test } = require('tap')
+const t = require('tap')
 const requireInject = require('require-inject')
+const npm = {
+  flatOptions: {
+    yes: false,
+    package: [],
+  },
+  commands: {
+    exec: (args, cb) => {
+      t.equal(npm.flatOptions.yes, true, 'should say yes')
+      t.strictSame(npm.flatOptions.package, ['@npmcli/npm-birthday'],
+        'uses correct package')
+      t.strictSame(args, ['npm-birthday'], 'called with correct args')
+      t.match(cb, Function, 'callback is a function')
+      cb()
+    },
+  },
+}
 
-test('birthday (nope)', (t) => {
-  t.plan(1)
-  const B = global[Buffer.from([66, 117, 102, 102, 101, 114])]
-  const f = B.from([102, 114, 111, 109])
-  const D = global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])]
-  const _6 = B[f]([98, 97, 115, 101, 54, 52]) + ''
-  const l = B[f]('dG9TdHJpbmc=', _6)
-  class FD extends D {
-    [B[f]('Z2V0VVRDTW9udGg=', _6)[l]()] () {
-      return 7
-    }
-  }
-  global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])] = FD
-  const consoleLog = console.log
-  console.log = () => undefined
-  t.tearDown(() => {
-    global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])] = D
-    console.log = consoleLog
-  })
-  const birthday = requireInject('../../lib/birthday', {})
-  birthday([], (err) => {
-    t.match(err, 'try again', 'not telling you the secret that easily are we?')
-  })
+const birthday = requireInject('../../lib/birthday.js', {
+  '../../lib/npm.js': npm,
 })
 
-test('birthday (nope again)', (t) => {
-  t.plan(1)
-  const B = global[Buffer.from([66, 117, 102, 102, 101, 114])]
-  const f = B.from([102, 114, 111, 109])
-  const D = global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])]
-  const _6 = B[f]([98, 97, 115, 101, 54, 52]) + ''
-  const l = B[f]('dG9TdHJpbmc=', _6)
-  class FD extends D {
-    [B[f]('Z2V0RnVsbFllYXI=', _6)[l]()] () {
-      const d = new D()
-      return d[B[f]('Z2V0RnVsbFllYXI=', _6)[l]()]() + 1
-    }
-
-    [B[f]('Z2V0VVRDTW9udGg=', _6)[l]()] () {
-      return 9
-    }
-  }
-  global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])] = FD
-  const consoleLog = console.log
-  console.log = () => undefined
-  t.tearDown(() => {
-    global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])] = D
-    console.log = consoleLog
-  })
-  const birthday = requireInject('../../lib/birthday', {})
-  birthday([], (err) => {
-    t.match(err, 'try again', 'not telling you the secret that easily are we?')
-  })
-})
-
-test('birthday (strike 3)', (t) => {
-  t.plan(1)
-  const B = global[Buffer.from([66, 117, 102, 102, 101, 114])]
-  const f = B.from([102, 114, 111, 109])
-  const D = global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])]
-  const _6 = B[f]([98, 97, 115, 101, 54, 52]) + ''
-  const l = B[f]('dG9TdHJpbmc=', _6)
-  class FD extends D {
-    [B[f]('Z2V0RnVsbFllYXI=', _6)[l]()] () {
-      const d = new D()
-      return d[B[f]('Z2V0RnVsbFllYXI=', _6)[l]()]() - 1
-    }
-
-    [B[f]('Z2V0VVRDTW9udGg=', _6)[l]()] () {
-      return 11
-    }
-  }
-  global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])] = FD
-  const consoleLog = console.log
-  console.log = () => undefined
-  t.tearDown(() => {
-    global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])] = D
-    console.log = consoleLog
-  })
-  const birthday = requireInject('../../lib/birthday', {})
-  birthday([], (err) => {
-    t.match(err, 'try again', 'not telling you the secret that easily are we?')
-  })
-})
-
-test('birthday (yup)', (t) => {
-  t.plan(1)
-  const B = global[Buffer.from([66, 117, 102, 102, 101, 114])]
-  const f = B.from([102, 114, 111, 109])
-  const D = global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])]
-  const _6 = B[f]([98, 97, 115, 101, 54, 52]) + ''
-  const l = B[f]('dG9TdHJpbmc=', _6)
-  class FD extends D {
-    [B[f]('Z2V0VVRDTW9udGg=', _6)[l]()] () {
-      return 8
-    }
-
-    [B[f]('Z2V0VVRDRGF0ZQ==', _6)[l]()] () {
-      return 29
-    }
-  }
-  global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])] = FD
-  const consoleLog = console.log
-  console.log = () => undefined
-  t.tearDown(() => {
-    global[B[f]([68, 97, 116, 101])] = D
-    console.log = consoleLog
-  })
-  const birthday = requireInject('../../lib/birthday', {})
-  birthday([], (err) => {
-    t.ifError(err, 'npm birthday')
-  })
-})
+let calledCb = false
+birthday([], () => calledCb = true)
+t.equal(calledCb, true, 'called the callback')